A conversation that is awesome and will work on anyone.

Talking to people you don't know can be difficult, but it's virtually the only way to make human friends. So I've decided to make it easier on everyone. I've got here the perfect conversation to make anyone your best friend. Memorize it, and you'll never be lonely again.

YOU: I'm really good at conversations. Do you want to have one with me?

(Forget about all that "Hi! My name is whatever. How are you?" junk. Anyone can say that. Skip right to the point. We're living in a normally paced world with a couple of people who think they are really busy. You'll have no idea who these people are until you start talking to them , so it's safest just to jump right in. Plus this is a unique and honest opener, that lets people know you are confident in your talking skills.)

OTHER PERSON: Yeah!

YOU: There's a cat eating a fish stick over there. I thought it was a carrot, but when I got closer I realized it was a fish stick.

(This tells the listener a couple of things. You're observant, you have moderately good eyesight, and you like cats and notice them wherever you are. Because you're observant.)

OTHER PERSON: Wow! Cool!

YOU: I really like cats. I write blogs.

(This is really important. You're letting your future friend know that you have a lot of free time for them. )

OTHER PERSON: Yeah! Who doesn't like cats? Blogs! OMG, awesome! You are totally awesome!

YOU: I like your shoes/feet.

(When someone compliments you, you should compliment them back immediately. It's hard to think of nice things to say on the spot like that, so you should just tell everyone that you like their shoes. If they're not wearing shoes, tell them you like their feet. Chances are if they're not wearing shoes, they are really proud of their feet's appearance, so that's sure to get you on their good side.)

OTHER PERSON: I like your shoes/feet!

YOU: Ok, bye!

(You're going to see a lot of this. People are just going to return your compliment fire. It's best to put a stop this before it gets out of control. They may have started it, but it's up to you to finish it.)

Now you've made a friend. Next time you see them, see if they want to watch some cute cat videos on youtube with you.

An Incomplete List of Things that I have bought in the order of excitement caused by their purchase.

1. 80 sheets of graph paper and a five subject notebook with plastic (!), three pocket(!) dividers

2. Two sweaters
a. the stripped one
b. the blue one

3. A cat (I haven't bought a real cat, but I like thinking about it. That's why this is number three, because it isn't real. It would be number one if it was real. Come on. It's a cat!)

4. Bike tires. (This is sarcastic excitement because I lack the skill and instruments to attach them to my bike. But if I would go buy a wrench then it would be genuine excitement so...)

5. A wrench! (I haven't bought this. And I'm not going to. But I should, and this list is becoming less exact then I had hoped for so, why not? I would be number five excited about the purchasing of a wrench and a...)

6. Pump! (Do I need to explain that I haven't bought this?)

That's it. I should have started this off with a do not read advisory, but really the title tells you all you need to know. This is a list of things I've bought. Don't read this. Come on. But because you made it this far, I assume that I'm paying you to read this so I'm number seven excited that I bought your attention.

7. Your attention!

I hope I didn't pay too much for it, because I really should buy a wrench.

Lirewess.

These are making less sense as I go along. I doesn't bother me, but my fan has been objecting. Maybe I'll go somewhere that makes more sense. The cheese shop! It's a shop made of cheese. And they have wireless internet access. It's access to the internet with out wires. I told you this place would make sense.
Next year, I'm going to only use wireless internet access. That's a resolution.
Carbon dioxide is a chemical solution.
Carbon monoxide is pollution.
Tada!
It doesn't look like the cheese shop is helping. So I'm also not going to write after midnight. Again. That's a solution!