Can I interest you in an interesting intrest sandwich?

If someone asks to borrow money, and tells you that they'll pay interest, and then they tell you that the interest will look like a sandwich, and then they say that it will look like a sandwich, because it is a sandwich. Black forest ham and yellow mustard. And then they say "Stop looking at the sandwich and eat it." And then a thought bubble appears above their head and it says, "What an idiot! Stop looking at the sandwich and eat it. No wonder we got such a great interest flavor..." If all of this happens, you should not loan this person money. They have mean thoughts and they make bad sandwiches. And interest should come in the shape of chocolate bars, because that is pretty close to the shape of money. And that's what interest should look like.

But you should ask this person how they make thought bubbles appear. That is a nifty trick.

I'll glue you to a Christmas cookie.

Merry Christmas! I made you some Christmas Cookies, that I also make at other times of the year, but because it's Christmas time they're Christmas Cookies! And in the holiday spirit I have decided that I don't want you to die! Merry Christmas! So I've included a footnote*. Anyways, Happy Holidays and all that smooth jazz! Because it's Christmas, a time for relaxing, and normal jazz makes people nervous, so just listen to smooth jazz, even though it's not very good.

*If the footnote is longer** then the realnote, is it a footnote? We don't have time to answer this question right now. This is a very busy time of year. We are so busy baking cookies and not dying and reading footnotes we have no time to ponder the nature of footnotes. So get back to what you were doing, save this for August 17th, Regional Footnote Day.

**Careful. I put eggs in these cookies. I put eggs on top of these cookies too. So the powdered sugar would stick. If you start feeling sick, go to the doctor. You probably just have food poisoning, but it might be salmonella. Either way I think you are supposed to go to the doctor. Some of the cookies don't have eggs on them, some of them have glue. So most of what I said before still applies. Except the salmonella. Don't eat glue.

It was hard getting the powdered sugar to stick. First I tried licking the cookies and laying them in a bowl of powdered sugar, but that hurt my tongue. These cookies are sharp. That's the other thing you should be careful about with these cookies. Their sharpness. Then I tried taping the sugar on, but it gave the cookies a weird texture. And look. And flavor. I tried melting the powdered sugar on the cookies. But they were already baked so the blowtorch was just burning them. Then the glue, which is really the best way to do it, fyi. I used a glue stick. Just a couple of lines on the top, and voila! Glue on cookies. Then I had to put the powdered sugar on top of the glue lines. It was great, but then I ran out of glue. So I used eggs. But I hard boiled the eggs before I used them, so I guess you should be fine. Never mind.